I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
