I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
