we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
