So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
