Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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