you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
