My sheets look like a crime scene.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
