The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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