I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
