I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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