why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
