Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
