Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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