hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
