on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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