Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
