Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
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A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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