I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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