whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
