I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
