I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
