I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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