Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
