summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
