i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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