My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
