So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
