so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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