Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
