Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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