Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
