True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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