shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
