just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
