the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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