look no pants
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
