dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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