They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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