I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
