know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
