when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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