I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've blown a few things in my day
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
