She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
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Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
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My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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