why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
