I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
