please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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