i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
