She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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