A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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