On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
