So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
