what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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