where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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