so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
