Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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