Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
