Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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