I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
