I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
