Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You have to summon your inner elephant
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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