you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize