tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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