so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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