nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Can Purell be used as lube?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
