dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
