It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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