I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
