Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
