You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
