Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
